Lena’s Journey

SURPRISE!  It’s been so long buddies!  I’ve gotta get my writing fingers back, thus the “warm” up above.  Let me just get this out of the way…. BOY DID I MISS YOU GIRLS (AND GUYS)!!!  {{{{{{{{{{{{Buddies}}}}}}}}}}}}}  I want to thank everyone for their booster notes and emails while I was on vacation last week.  This is the first time I’ve been able to sit down in front of the computer and actually get to breathe!  I’ve been going 200mph every day so far!  Bringing work home and working 3-4 hours from home after being at the office for 8 hours.  We’re coming into our busiest time of year at work, so this week is only the beginning of much stress and little sleep!

Ok, so vacation was relaxing and joyous!  I just LOVE the country.  It’s so clean and fresh and pure!  A whole week with the pine trees and the hummingbirds really did my heart and soul good.  I think I was a pine tree in a former life!  (no, really!).  I even lost 1 pound last week!  Woo-hoo!  My mom had a “daughter-do-list” waiting on me.  We mowed, weed-eated, cleared fence lines, cleared road lines, picked up rocks to fill some low spots on her road, sat on the porch and watched the hummers battle it out for the feeder, trimmed trees, got ant bit, got poison ivy, picked up all the grass-a-los and moved them to greener pastures, went out to eat, made low fat stuffed bell peppers, went to church.  And this is just SOME of the things we did.  Yes, I did get to sleep.  And it was a VERY peaceful, stress and anxiety free sleep.  So unlike the sleep I get when I have to work.  I think every other week should be a vacation.  Don’t y’all?

So that was vacation.  This week has been a completely different story.  I’m eating bad, not exercising and my obsession with the scale seems to have disappeared.  I’m scared to get on it.  But I have to get over that.  Face the problem.  One of the worst things you can do is procrastinate.  So, tomorrow morning, I will weigh.  I know I’m going to see a gain.  But you know what?  SO FREAKIN’ WHAT!!!  Tomorrow will be a new day.  In the past, I would’ve said, “oh, I’ll just start again on Monday.”  And, oddly, that Monday never came.  I know we’ve all been there.  But this time, chickie, it just ain’t gonna happen.  (this is me talking to myself).  I feel the resolve coming back on!

Earlier in the week I was listening to a podcast and one of the speakers was talking about running with the bulls and how his son was an exchange student in Spain and was considering participating in the annual event.  When he let his dad know, his dad decided he had to go to Spain to protect his son.  Turned out,  his son ended up helping him not get gored!  Anyway, I do have a point.  I had the oddest dream last night.  Instead of running with the bulls, I was running with pizza slices and they were EVERYWHERE trying to gore me!  They even had evil grins and eyebrows!  OMG, so ya THINK our subconcious isn’t always on?  I ran and ran and ran and couldn’t get away from all the pizza!  Finally, I just jumped over to the side of our “path” and stopped.  All the pizza slices just kept running and finally disappeared down the road.  My point is, I just need to stop with the bad things I’m doing this week.  Make a conscious decision to jump out of that fat, greasy, evil race and let it go on by.  Gonna do that tomorrow.

Well, that’s about all I have for now, my dear ones.  I hope everyone is having a great week so far and I’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s blogs to get caught up. 

ROCK ON SISTERS!!! (and brothers!)

Sorry I’ve been MIA buddies.  I had a really bad week last week and am just now coming out of it.  Thanks to much prayer and support from you all.  Have I told you lately that I really love all my buddies?  If not, I LOVE YOU!

I’m going on double digit days now with no night-time eating.  Daytime has been a different story - with pms, as I told a few of you, I wanna just eat the furniture.  Ravenous.  Hormones suck.  I’ve raided the chocolate stashes at work almost every day this week.  However, I have managed to maintain my 269.  That’s ok, right?  Still working on changing my MIND.   As Jennifer and Shan said, it’s all about perspective.  I’m getting mine back.  Especially after reading through the blogs today.  What a refresher!

I’m going on vacation starting this Saturday for a WHOLE WEEK!  Going to E. TX to visit mom and grandma.  I’m excited beyond belief and have already told my mom that we’re eating healthy.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  :)  I won’t be online much for the next week or so, but remember that you all are in my heart!

{{{{{{{{Buddies!!}}}}}}}}

Guess what buddies?  Day 6 of no night-time eating!  The beast seems to be weakening!  Down with the beast!!!  I’m starting to see a pattern here!  Woo-hoo!  Annnnnnnnnnnddddddddddd, I’ve worked out for 6 days in a row.  I will probably take tomorrow off - because our bodies do need a day of rest.   Of course, I will be cleaning and doing yard work and all the normal weekend stuff, so that will burn some calories.  I’m just going to skip my dedicated workout for one day.  I’ll resume on Sunday.

I’ve had a great week!  I was losing a pound a day for about 4 days, but it’s definitely slowed down.  I’m still losing each day, but only like .2 pound.  Better than nothing! 

This is just a short “howdy” post… nothing exciting.  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

This morning, one of my favorite co-workers asked me to walk down to the cafeteria with her so she could get breakfast.  I went, because the walk would be good for me.  I swear it’s a whole mile from our desks to the bagels.  So here we go… walking and talking, saying good morning to those we pass.  We get to the cafeteria and she goes for the pre-made breakfast burritos.  She’s like 110 pounds.  Then she checks out the orange juice and wonders if it’s fresh.  I tell her that it probably is… they put fresh out every day.  Add O.J. to the tab.  We browse around to the bagels and she tells me that she’s “developing a like for bagels”.  (eye roll - I could eat like 3 at once).  I ask her if she’s gonna get one and she says no, but just wanted to look.  (?!?!?)  “Are you getting anything, Lena?”  I replied, “No, I’ve already eaten my Special-K with Red Berries and a banana.”  She tells me I’m so good.  (note: 1 “no”)

Later in the day, another co-worker brings some dark chocolate M&Ms to my desk (she knows these are my favs) and tells me thanks for something I helped her with.  I said, “Charlotte, you know I’m trying to lose weight, so put these away and save them for another time.”  She rolled her eyes, grinned, and politely removed them from my desk.  (note: 2 “no’s”).

Co-worker from breakfast sends me an IM and wants to know if I want some Hostess White Powdered Donuts.  I tell her “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  She “LOL”’s.  She looks at me and asks… “Split a package with me?”.  Lena:  “Girl, I’m gonna hurt you.  No.”  (note: 2 more “no’s”)

A pattern is developing here and today is the first day I noticed it.  I’m learning to say “NO” when it comes to food.  All around me, every day, there are temptations - cookies, vending machines, white donuts (which I do love), dark chocolate M&Ms, cokes, cakes, bagels… and the list could go on forever.  In the past, I would accept the food and think “this one time won’t hurt.”  But as we all know, there’s *never* just “this one time”.  One time leads to two, three, then we’re out of control again.  It’s still hard for me and I’m still struggling and fighting, but just the fact that I recognized that I’m saying NO is a huge step for me.  It tells me that I CAN do it.  I’m strong.  I have control.  Let’s hope it lasts!

Last night was day 5 … count ‘em!  1.  2. 3. 4. 5.  whole nights that the beast didn’t win!!!!  I’m on a roll!  Maybe I should go to Vegas?!  

Hugs to all my buds!

Last night was bad.  I was hungry.  My stomach was growling… I had eaten dinner about 3 hours earlier.  I got out of bed, me & Tigger went outside, came back in… the beast is bellowing at me to come get something to eat.  Instead, I got on here… figured I’d try to find some motivation and determination.  And then came Haley.  Haley’s a relatively new buddy of mine who I absolutely adore.  I had received a booster note from her after I went to bed, so when I logged on, there it was.  I saw she was still online, so I replied and told her of my troubles.  We exchanged a couple of sis-boom-bah messages and after about 30 minutes, I was feeling much better and more motivated to stay away from the fridge.  So, hats off to Haley!   :grin: 

As a result, when I weighed this morning, I was down another pound.  I couldn’t believe it!  So that brings my loss to a total 30lbs!!!!  YAY FOR ME!  I’m so glad I got online here last night rather than raiding the fridge.  It’s been 4 days in a row that I have not eaten after bedtime.  The drive is still there to do it, but I’m fighting it!

On to other news… I’m preparing for tropical storm Humberto tonight.  He’s supposed to hit the Houston area around 1am and drop up to 15 inches of rain.  Only 50 MPH winds - that’s not too bad, but he’s taking his sweet time getting here.  According to the weather dudes, he’s moving at a speedy pace of 5 whole miles per hour.  Which, for us, is bad.  Because the slower he moves, the more rain he can drop in one place… we’ll all be flooded in in the morning.  At least I might be able to work from home tomorrow!  I have the flashlights and the battery powered fans easily accessible.  I’ve secured all my outside stuff so it doesn’t fly away and land in someone’s swimming pool.  I’m ready! 

I’ll never forget Hurricane Rita in 2005… now friends, let me tell you… that’s one way to lose weight.  Spend about a week in the TX heat & humidity with no a/c, no fans, no ice, no gas to get anywhere… couldn’t go anywhere anyway - we didn’t have any gas at all - and you will lose weight - by sheer moisture loss alone.  Eat tuna every day and you’re guaranteed to lose weight.  My cousin and I talked about developing the Rita diet.  LOL!

That’s all I have to say this evening… I need to do some more work before I hit the sack.  Much love to you all!  You’re helping me more than you could ever imagine!

Nothing sparkly and exciting today.  Just get up, go to work, come home, go to bed.  So y’all caught me in between the come home and go to bed.  I did really well today - in fact, I’ve done really well since last Thursday.  I have lost 3lbs since then.  After 6 weeks of nothing - no loss, no gain… 3lbs seems FINE WITH ME!!   :lol: 

I’ve also done my Leslie Sansone video every day - either the 1 mile or 2 mile walk with the pink stretchie thing.  (grin)  I’m feeling really good - though I’m a little tired today.  I’m doing great emotionally… I think it’s the exercise.  When I made a commitment to myself… I’ve seen almost immediate results.  I’m sorry y’all… I just don’t have much to say today!  I’m glad Marge is doing a little better… I checked out her post from yesterday - 22 comments so far!  YOU GUYS ROCK for sending her all that love and support!

Everyone have a great night and a happy Tuesday!

So, last night was the first night in a long time that I didn’t get up after I went to bed to raid the kitchen.  I know it’s only one night - but I feel darn proud of myself this morning, as I sit here drinking my decaf coffee and reading blogs.  It was a struggle, let me tell you.  I did get out of bed though.  I sat up, Tigger looked up at me (her bed is beside my bed) like “go outside?!?!”.  I told her “No, we’re not going outside, freak - it’s 1am!”.  She loves to go outside - any time, any weather, any day.  She got out of her bed anyway and stood there looking at me.  All the while, I’m having this stupid argument with myself in my head about going to the fridge or the pantry to find something to eat.  “You can just have a little something - it won’t hurt.  Really.”………….”You’re not hungry, you don’t need anything.  Remember, we talked about this - it’s just a habit.  Think of this - you might lose another 1/2 pound or so.”………….”But really, what could ONE 100 calorie snack hurt?  I mean, come on, you burn that off just sleeping!”……………”Look, do you want to break this habit or do you want to continue with this destructive behavior?  Please don’t give up.  Ask God to help you.”

And so it went.  Tigger is still staring at me.  Now her tail is doing the famous basenji quiver.  (side note - she doesn’t actually wag her tail, she quivers her tail… if you’ve ever seen a basenji’s tail - it’s really curled up - so rather than how you would normally think of a wag, her tail ”quivers” like a feather in the breeze - it’s hilarious!).  

I tell her that we still aren’t going outside, as she looks at me hopefully… quivering, grinning at me with her sleepy eyes.  Then she put her front paws up on the bed and stretched and yawned.  I rolled my eyes at her.  Then it came to me - go ahead and go outside with her - a diversion from the fridge.  Ok, I tell myself… “Self, let’s go outside with Tigger rather than go to the fridge!”  So, here we go… getting a little anxious, because we have to walk right by the evil white beast on the way to the back door.  But I kept my focus on that cute little tail, walked right past said beast, continued to the back door.  Made it!  Ok, so 1/2 way there.  We sit outside for a few minutes - she becomes interested in a little green tree frog who has been so rudely interrupted while getting a drink of water from the water bowl.  Cute little frog jumps off the water bowl after Tigger nosed it a couple of times.  It croaked at her and then dove under the deck.  Smart frog.  I ask Tigger if she’s ready to go inside and she looks at me with her sleepy dog face and turns around and walks off.  She goes out into the yard, pees, and comes back to stand at the door.  I take it she’s ready now.  We go back inside, I block out my peripheral vision with my hands on each side of my face so the evil white beast cannot make eye contact.  Tigger leading the way, we make it past the thing and then we’re back in the bedroom!!  Tigger dives under her blanket and lays down - all I see is this breathing mound of cloth.  I get back in bed, say a prayer of THANKS to God, turn on the t.v. and eventually fall asleep.  Woke up again and it was 6:00am - time to get up.  I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And I was rewarded… another pound lost!

So on another note - everyone needs to show some love to our buddy Marge!  She’s not having a good start to her day so far… please please send her some hugs and smooches and squeezes and cuddles to let her know that we’re all here to lift her up!

Have a great day buddies!!  I sure do love y’all! 

In the mail today, I received my Leslie Sansone pink stretchie!  And I just did the 2 mile walk with the pink stretchie!  Boy, did I have fun!!!  I love the thing and I think it’ll bump up my workouts by adding a little bit of resistance training for my upper body.  I’m PUMPED!  There are still a few places I have to go back to just walking in place, because my endurance hasn’t built up with the front kicks and the back kicks… but I know I’ll get there.

I’m going outside to wash my car now.  It’s amazing how much expending energy gives you more energy!  Oh!  And I have a/c in my car again!  Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   :lol:  :smile: 

Did you all see?  I weighed this morning and I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY got rid of 274!!!!  I have never been this excited over one single pound in my life!  Took me 6 weeks to get there, but wow, the joy in my heart right now is just overflowing and I wanted to share with all my buddies!!!

I have to get ready to take my car over to my cousin’s house.  I’ve been without an A/C in my car (yes, in this *lovely* Texas heat) for 2 weeks now.  He’s going to fix it for me… I have to have a new condenser coil thingie with the high side connector fitting (whatever the heck that means… I’m so mechanically uninclined… LOL!).  Perhaps, all the sweating on the way home from work is what finally blasted this latest pound off me.  LOL!

Y’all have a great Saturday!  Love to my buds!

I was just sitting outside in the backyard with the dogs.  We were all watching two squirrels play in my neighbor’s huge oak tree.  They were running up and down the big branches, around and around, switching their tails, up and down, over to another branch, chattering at each other.  Corey and Tigger (my dogs) were quivering with excitement, preparing for the chase, should one present itself.  Tigger has her “squirrel pose”, which my mom calls “getting down low”… like this:

Of course, I just tried getting a picture of Tigger doing her pose, but she wasn’t cooperating (and neither were the squirrels who were out there a minute ago.)  Oh well.  Anyway, as we were watching the squirrels play, I was thinking to myself “I need some of that energy.”  Oh, to bottle it up and sell it - I’d be a millionaire (well, I could at least give Red Bull a run for their money).  :) 

The Native Americans believe(d) in animal totems.  Got me to thinking, so I figured I’d see if I could find anything out about what the squirrel in your life means, just for fun.  I was shocked at the number of websites available on animal totems.  Here’s some info I found on Mr. Squirrel…

“When you observe the squirrel in nature, they are always busy.  They seem to have an endless supply of energy.  Seldom do you see a squirrel inactive.  Focused on the task at hand, agile and quick, they are constantly preparing for the future by gathering nuts and seeds for later use.  Although they are always prepared for what may come they have a tendency to forget where they store things.  The forgetfulness of a squirrel serves a reminder to those with this medicine to slow down, pay attention and stop running frantically in several directions at once.”  (courtesy of www.sayahda.com)

So, after reading about the squirrel… especially the last sentence about slowing down and paying attention and all that, I was reminded of one of my favorite Psalms… “Be still, and know that I am God”.  (Psalms 46:10)  This is so true.  And I’m thinking God was working in my little beany head today - to get me to thinking about this particular verse.  Sometimes I find it amazing how these things work out.  Be still.  This has struck a chord with me today, as everything I’ve been listening to (radio and iPod) the past two days has a common theme.  To be still. 

I have a problem with letting my mind run and try and try and try to overcome my constant nagging subconscious self telling me to eat.  My subconscious seems it’s always on overdrive - eat eat eat eat eat eat eat.  Then it comes to my conscious self and I have to REALLY fight the urges to obey.  I think God is telling me to just shut up and be still.   Listen.  Be quiet.  Slow down.  Relax.  Chill out.  I have been maintaining my 25lbs loss for 6 weeks now.  Surely I should’ve lost more weight by now.  Of course, I CAN say, I have maintained, which is WAY better than gaining.  I haven’t been exercising as much as I should - which I know will solve the problem. 

So today, after reading my buddy Shan’s post I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO motivated to just do it.  I got up off my fat booty and popped in the Leslie Sansone 2 mile express walk - did the whole thing and now I’m a little less stressed.  Yay for me.

One thing I am still doing, is practicing visualization.  I’m thin, I’m buying cute clothes, I’m crossing my legs like a normal person rather than like a right trangle trying to mash all sides together to form a clean line.  Trying to reprogram my subconscious away from “eat eat eat eat eat eat eat”.  I EVEN changed my password at work to something slimming, so every time I type it in, I’m reminded.  It’s hard.  I’m not having a pity party.  In fact, I feel great today… especially after Shan’s post and then my walking video (Leslie sure can kick some booty!).

Sorry if I’m boring you guys… I’m really just rambling on and on, aren’t I? 

My goal for the rest of the week (thru Sunday and then I’ll set another goal) is to exercise every day.  It always makes me feel so good… and I’m not sure why I can’t get into a steady routine.  But, at least I’m still here.  This is the longest time frame, actually, that I’ve ever “maintained” a certain weight.  I’m proud of that. 

Ok, that’s it for now.  Hugs to all my new buddies… and my old buddies!  Tomorrow’s Friday (YAY!!!).  Another week coming to a close… a new day to start fresh.  This squirrel is gonna be still for a while…