I’m in a really good place, my buddies.  This is the longest I’ve ever been on a “diet” (but we’re not calling it that) and I’m still going strong.  At least in my thinking and my desire to keep going.  I’ve had triumphs and failures.  But the key thing, this time, is that with all your help (especially Jennifer, Shanna & Tina), I’m reprogramming my all or none thinking.  If I mess up for a day or two, no big deal!  This has become ingrained in my beany head and it’s finally starting to take over to the point where I actually believe it.  I have a better understanding of how my body works.  What foods work, what portions, what calorie intake… and all that jazz.  It’s been trial and error - it still is and always will be.  But I’m establishing an excellent foundation for the rest of my life. 

This time, God is the center of my journey.  He’s like a beacon.  I’m like a homing pigeon, always returning to Him when I struggle.  I used to never get down on my knees to pray.  I’ve realized, I have to be humble before Him and totally submit this journey to him.  And it’s made all the difference in the world.  He knows I’m not perfect.  *I* know I’m not perfect.  So we’re in a very good, peaceful and happy place together.

This morning, as I was reading my daily devotional, I was struck by how God works.  Today’s devotional was talking about Eve:  “Eve was typical of us all, and we consistenly show we are her descendants by repeating her mistakes.  Our desires, like Eve’s can quite easily be manipulated.  They are not the best basis for actions.  We need to keep God in our decision-making process always.  His Word, the Bible, is our guidebook in decision making.”  This really stood out to me and how it applies to my decisions on eating/bingeing, etc.  When I feel weak, I seek Him and he helps.  All I have to do is ask.

One of the things I like about this site is that we are free to express ourselves completely and without fear of judgement.  We are all on different “plans”… but what’s neat is that we all support each other, however we’re trying to lose weight.   I really appreciate and love all my buddies.  Thanks for listening to my morning ramblings! 

I’m staying on plan - gained one pound over Christmas, but it’s since gone it’s merry (un-merry?) way.  I’m not exercising, but hope to start back really soon!  I found out that I’ll be working from home starting sometime in February.  That is going to REALLY allow me time to exercise.  It’ll add 2 hours to my day (eliminating drive time) and I’ll be getting around a $350 a month raise (no more gas every 4 days and tolls!).  So, I’m pretty excited.

 I’m still doing the whole foods and you wouldn’t believe the difference it’s made in my life.  It’s helped my depression, my attitude, my feelings, my energy level.  Amazing.  Someone should bottle this!  :)  (not really!)  Today, I’m having rosemary baked chicken, a salad and brown rice (unpolished) for lunch/dinner.  I’ve found that I’m rarely hungry, now that I’ve been doing mainly whole foods for 2-3 months.  The weight is coming off slowly, but surely.  And I know without a doubt that once I get my lazy butt up to exercise, it’ll come off faster.  But I’m ok with slow… because this time is WAY different than all the other times I’ve tried to diet.  It’s actually sticking with me… and my mind is such that changes are being made and new habits formed.  Do y’all remember when I was battling the big white beast in the kitchen several months ago…?  That is no longer an issue for me.  My night time eating has completely stopped and I’m so proud!

 I hope everyone is doing GREAT!  Love y’all!

Mom and I make our way into the mall, ever aware of our surroundings.  We go to Things Remembered (the store I needed to go to) so I can pick up a retirement gift for one of my co-workers.  As we’re walking out, mom says “I wonder if that good pretzel place is still in the mall.”  I gave her my “surely you jest, mother” look.  And she said “I could *really* use one of those pretzels with cinnamon.”  So, off we went in search of THE pretzel place.  It was still there.  Mom said she wanted a cinnamon pretzel and a sesame seed pretzel (one for now, one for tomorrow).  Oh, and go ahead and get two cinnamon - one for grandma.  <sigh>  Here I go up to the counter.  I salivatingly (is that a word?) place the order.  We wait while the girl rolls out the fresh dough, beats it on the pretzel counter (beats?), then does this toss-twirl-flip-and-a-twist thing and pops it into the pretzel oven.  5 minutes later, out comes the warm, steaming, freshly baked HUGE pretzels.  She then coats them with butter and dips two in the cinnamon and one in the sesame seeds.  She waves to me that they’re ready.  I go get them, pay, and we leave.  Mom asks me if I want her to carry them.  I told her no because I cannot be controlled by a pretzel. 

Victory #2 - mom asked me to run through Whataburger to get grandma a Whataburger Jr. meal.  I did.  I did not get anything for Lena. 

We get home, I have a bowl of Kashi cereal, an apple and some grapes.  And I’m perfectly satisfied.

Each day, I become a little bit stronger in my resolve.  I’m not saying I’ll never fall again, because I know I will.  But these small victories are really huge for me.  Please, no bad comments about mom and how she should be supportive.  She’s very supportive.  But I have to learn how to separate my desires from hers and how I don’t have to go along with her in every situation.  I’m looking at these times as challenges. 

This morning on the radio, I heard a song about moving a mountain one stone at a time.  This is how I’m viewing my weight-loss journey this time.  Each pound is one stone for me.  If I can remove a stone, or even a pebble from my mountain, then the mountain doesn’t seem so insurmountable all at once.

So, I’ll say it again.  You’re not the boss of me, pretzel.  Even with your warm, steamy, inviting smell… I’m not letting you control my life. 

This is just a short note to you all… Hugs to all my buddies - especially Jennifer, Shanna, Haley and my new buddy Rae!!

I love you gals!

So, Happy Halloween to everyone!  I’m not MIA… work is insanely busy.  I’m going to work, working there for 8 hours then coming home and working 3-4 more hours every day.  By the time I get off the computer from doing work stuff, I really don’t wanna look at the little silver box any more.  This is a busy time at work - through the end of January, so my blogs will be few for now.  But know that I’m hanging in there.  I’ve stuck to my plan and am currently maintaining.  Not losing because I’m expecting Aunt Flo to visit in a week or so, so my bod is retaining water like crazy.  I know once that’s over with, I will show a loss.

 Mom and Grandma are here from E. TX - they’ve been here since the wedding a week and a half ago.  I’m enjoying having them around.  And get this… are you ready?  I mean, you should probably sit down….

I’ve actually been cooking for them in the evenings!  They’re on MY eating plan and are loving it.  I’m actually enjoying the cooking.  I can’t believe I said that outloud.  I think what my problem is that I don’t like to cook for myself.  Because just in the last week, I’ve cooked every night and served it up.  My mom says I’m spoiling her.   She deserves to be spoiled though because she’s the 24/7 care-giver to her 86 year old mother.  And if any of you can relate, you know how hard that job is.  It’s like having a baby in the house again.  Role reversal.  Grandma can still get around and she goes to the potty by herself, but she can’t cook, can’t bathe or really do much of anything but sit in her chair all day.  Mama takes her outside in the backyard almost every day so she can have a change of scenery.  Especially since the weather here in TX has been amazing the past 10 days or so.

Anyway - I wanted to let you all know that I’m still alive and kickin!  Rockin’ & rollin’.  And all that jazz.

I hope everyone’s having a great week!

 Looks like you ladies were right!  Increase my calories and BOOM - there it is.  I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!  I’m not longer stuck like Chuck!  (I hope he’s ok).  So anyway, I have a wedding to go to today!  My cousin, Jacob, is getting married to a really great girl.  It’s a beautiful day here in TX - nice and cool and very low humidity.  Perfect day for a wedding!

I’ve increased my caloric intake while managing to eat mostly whole foods this past week.  I am ENERGIZED and just bouncing around here with joy and love and peace.  I’m really feeling great!

Not much time to write a long blog - I have a few things to do before the wedding this afternoon… like go buy silver tissue paper for my gift.  Mom and Grandma are on their way in to Houston, as I type this.  Love the mom and the grandma!  :)  Have a great weekend buddies!  Stay strong and happy!

So my point is, I’m stuck.  I’m not losing.  I even went up two pounds over the weekend, but this morning, they were gone.  Jennifer thinks I’m not eating enough calories and my metabolism could be freaking out in starvation mode.  So I’m upping my calories by about 400 per day - which to me, is a whole other meal.  But what I’m going to do is fill that up with healthy proteins and fats - like fish and nuts and low fat cheese.  (Which, btw Jen, I’m with you on that - low fat cheese sucks).  I do LOVE the laughing cow low fat swiss… only 35 calories per triangle. 

I’m not feeling bad though because this is a journey.  It’s a lifelong commitment.  It’s a way of life and all that other blah blah blah that we need to accept.  My mom (whom I adore) says maybe I’m still eating TOO much.  I told her that I’m averaging between 900-1100 calories per day - it would be SO hard to go for LESS than that, ya know?  But mom weighs a happy 150.

Gonna try the adding more calories and continuing to exercise and see how that goes. 

I hope everyone’s having a great week!

I’m thinking of starting a whole foods eating regimen.  My problem is not liking/wanting to cook.  I wish I could find some good, whole food, frozen dinners.  I guess I could make my own?  I’ll let y’all know how it goes.  I’m still researching and trying to figure out how it’ll work for me.

Happy Saturday!

 **DISCLAIMER** This blog was meant to be stupid and dorky and was just a general rambling of thoughts.  In no way would I advocate tastebud removal.  I was not serious.  <shaking head>

You know the famous motto… BE PREPARED.  I’m finding out that I’m *much* more successful with staying on track when I’m prepared.  Things like, making sure I always have healthy stuff to eat, making sure my pups pick up all their toys that litter my exercise area (in front of the t.v.), logging my food and exercise, etc. 

When I stay one step ahead of my “diet”, I do better.  I don’t cheat.  What I’ve been doing is getting tomorrow’s meals ready in the evenings.  Tonight, after I did my 2 miles with Leslie, I fixed the coffee pot, washed my to-go cup, unpacked my lunch bag, washed all the dishes, put my ice pack thingie in the freezer to re-freeze, picked out which lean cuisine I’m gonna have, poured the milk for my cereal in it’s container (I take it to work), got my yogurt and my apples in the fridge next to my milk, got the lunch bag opened up and set out on the kitchen counter and got my vitamins all together and put in the lunch bag.  So, see?  I’m all ready for tomorrow.  It makes me feel better and makes me less stressed in the mornings when I’m usually rushing to get out the door.  Do I earn a badge?

So, been emailing one of my buddies about my food journal and I’m hoping she’ll have some suggestions for me.  I seem to eat more than 50% carbs every day.  Today, after I logged all my food, carbs came out to 61%!!!!!!!!!  Definitely need to reduce those.  I tried Atkins once for 8 months.  Only lost 19lbs, so the anti-carb movement didn’t work for me.  But I DO see that I need more protein.  I’m gonna work on that.

Tigger and Corey still haven’t picked up their toys for tonight, so I guess I’ll go do that.  Need to figure out how to get them to clean up and put everything back in their toy box.  They had a really funny running fit around the back yard a few mins ago.  Tigger looks like a little gazelle when she runs and leaps… cracks me up!  She’s the epitome of grace!  Corey will chase her for a couple of laps, but his excitement gets the better of him and he just has to go DIG.  So mama (that’s me) has to yell “Corey!!!!!  No!  BAD!”  He doesn’t like “BAD”.  He hangs his wee little head and gives me that “surely you don’t mean it, Mama?  I mean, I was just scratching the dirt here a little.  See?  It’s only 18 inches deep.”  So when he gives me that look, I have to hug him and tell him that even though he’s so adorable, he should really stop digging in the yard.  Makes it hard to mow.  

Y’all have a great evening and a WONDERFUL Wednesday!!!  XOxoxoxoxoxoxoxo………..

Oh - and I didn’t mention this in my last blog, but I’ve lost count on how many nights it’s been since I’ve maintained beast avoidance.  I’m thinking I’m forming a new habit, y’all!  Woo-hoo!!!  No night-time eating for me in a while!!!! 

Food Log