Lena’s Journey

This morning it’s about 45 degrees here in Southeast Texas.  The sun is shining, the windchimes are tinkling, a slight breeze caresses the few leaves remaining on the trees… and the squirrels are AT PLAY.  Corey and Tigger have been anxiously awaiting one of the little furry tail creatures to step into their yard so they can then chase them out.  There’s this one little guy who seems a bit braver than all the others.  He will get on top of the wooden fence and yell and chatter and shake his tail at Tigger.  She’s in her “get-the-squirrel” position.  She’s also shivering because it’s a bit nippy out there.  So imagine this little dog who’s crouched down really low, head pointed toward Mr. Squirrel, but her whole body is shivering.  Now, to be fair to her and possibly not embarrass her, I could tell you that she’s not “shivering”, but rather she’s just so anxious and tense that she’s “quivering” with excitement and it’s taking all her doggy power to remain in that one spot.  After a few seconds, she can’t stand it any more and she charges the fence and barks.  Mr. Squirrel, King of the Fence, just looks down at her like “you idiot mutt, I know you can’t jump this high.  Save your breath!”  Alas, the joy I get from watching this daily routine is wonderful.  (either that, or I’m a REALLY boring person who gets her jollies by watching my dog and a squirrel do their dance.)  I’ll go with the prospect that I’m deep enough to be able to find pleasure in something so simple.  (That sounds good, eh?).

I’m in a really good place, my buddies.  This is the longest I’ve ever been on a “diet” (but we’re not calling it that) and I’m still going strong.  At least in my thinking and my desire to keep going.  I’ve had triumphs and failures.  But the key thing, this time, is that with all your help (especially Jennifer, Shanna & Tina), I’m reprogramming my all or none thinking.  If I mess up for a day or two, no big deal!  This has become ingrained in my beany head and it’s finally starting to take over to the point where I actually believe it.  I have a better understanding of how my body works.  What foods work, what portions, what calorie intake… and all that jazz.  It’s been trial and error - it still is and always will be.  But I’m establishing an excellent foundation for the rest of my life. 

This time, God is the center of my journey.  He’s like a beacon.  I’m like a homing pigeon, always returning to Him when I struggle.  I used to never get down on my knees to pray.  I’ve realized, I have to be humble before Him and totally submit this journey to him.  And it’s made all the difference in the world.  He knows I’m not perfect.  *I* know I’m not perfect.  So we’re in a very good, peaceful and happy place together.

This morning, as I was reading my daily devotional, I was struck by how God works.  Today’s devotional was talking about Eve:  “Eve was typical of us all, and we consistenly show we are her descendants by repeating her mistakes.  Our desires, like Eve’s can quite easily be manipulated.  They are not the best basis for actions.  We need to keep God in our decision-making process always.  His Word, the Bible, is our guidebook in decision making.”  This really stood out to me and how it applies to my decisions on eating/bingeing, etc.  When I feel weak, I seek Him and he helps.  All I have to do is ask.

One of the things I like about this site is that we are free to express ourselves completely and without fear of judgement.  We are all on different “plans”… but what’s neat is that we all support each other, however we’re trying to lose weight.   I really appreciate and love all my buddies.  Thanks for listening to my morning ramblings! 

No, I’m not dead buddies!  I’m on the down-swing of all the overtime at work and finally, the holidays are over.  My holidays sucked, big time… but that’s a whole other story in itself. 

I’m staying on plan - gained one pound over Christmas, but it’s since gone it’s merry (un-merry?) way.  I’m not exercising, but hope to start back really soon!  I found out that I’ll be working from home starting sometime in February.  That is going to REALLY allow me time to exercise.  It’ll add 2 hours to my day (eliminating drive time) and I’ll be getting around a $350 a month raise (no more gas every 4 days and tolls!).  So, I’m pretty excited.

 I’m still doing the whole foods and you wouldn’t believe the difference it’s made in my life.  It’s helped my depression, my attitude, my feelings, my energy level.  Amazing.  Someone should bottle this!  :)  (not really!)  Today, I’m having rosemary baked chicken, a salad and brown rice (unpolished) for lunch/dinner.  I’ve found that I’m rarely hungry, now that I’ve been doing mainly whole foods for 2-3 months.  The weight is coming off slowly, but surely.  And I know without a doubt that once I get my lazy butt up to exercise, it’ll come off faster.  But I’m ok with slow… because this time is WAY different than all the other times I’ve tried to diet.  It’s actually sticking with me… and my mind is such that changes are being made and new habits formed.  Do y’all remember when I was battling the big white beast in the kitchen several months ago…?  That is no longer an issue for me.  My night time eating has completely stopped and I’m so proud!

 I hope everyone is doing GREAT!  Love y’all!

After work today, I had to go to the mall here in Pasadena.  It leaves a lot to be desired.  I haven’t been there in ages because they were having a problem with gangs and general bad crap like that.  But this mall houses the shop I needed to go to.  So on the way home from work, I called mom to see if she wanted to go with me (and she could bring her 9mm… giggle)… they say to travel in groups.  Mom said yes, so I swing by and pick her up.  We get to the mall and go into Sears because I wanted to sniff the treadmills (I’m about to be in the market for a new one), so figured… hey, here’s Sears… they have treadmills… let’s go look.  Anyway.  Sears isn’t the store I went there for.  But I still tried out a couple of treadmills. 

Mom and I make our way into the mall, ever aware of our surroundings.  We go to Things Remembered (the store I needed to go to) so I can pick up a retirement gift for one of my co-workers.  As we’re walking out, mom says “I wonder if that good pretzel place is still in the mall.”  I gave her my “surely you jest, mother” look.  And she said “I could *really* use one of those pretzels with cinnamon.”  So, off we went in search of THE pretzel place.  It was still there.  Mom said she wanted a cinnamon pretzel and a sesame seed pretzel (one for now, one for tomorrow).  Oh, and go ahead and get two cinnamon - one for grandma.  <sigh>  Here I go up to the counter.  I salivatingly (is that a word?) place the order.  We wait while the girl rolls out the fresh dough, beats it on the pretzel counter (beats?), then does this toss-twirl-flip-and-a-twist thing and pops it into the pretzel oven.  5 minutes later, out comes the warm, steaming, freshly baked HUGE pretzels.  She then coats them with butter and dips two in the cinnamon and one in the sesame seeds.  She waves to me that they’re ready.  I go get them, pay, and we leave.  Mom asks me if I want her to carry them.  I told her no because I cannot be controlled by a pretzel. 

Victory #2 - mom asked me to run through Whataburger to get grandma a Whataburger Jr. meal.  I did.  I did not get anything for Lena. 

We get home, I have a bowl of Kashi cereal, an apple and some grapes.  And I’m perfectly satisfied.

Each day, I become a little bit stronger in my resolve.  I’m not saying I’ll never fall again, because I know I will.  But these small victories are really huge for me.  Please, no bad comments about mom and how she should be supportive.  She’s very supportive.  But I have to learn how to separate my desires from hers and how I don’t have to go along with her in every situation.  I’m looking at these times as challenges. 

This morning on the radio, I heard a song about moving a mountain one stone at a time.  This is how I’m viewing my weight-loss journey this time.  Each pound is one stone for me.  If I can remove a stone, or even a pebble from my mountain, then the mountain doesn’t seem so insurmountable all at once.

So, I’ll say it again.  You’re not the boss of me, pretzel.  Even with your warm, steamy, inviting smell… I’m not letting you control my life. 

Happy Friday Buddies!  Life is good for me right now.  It’s great, in fact.  Last weekend was my birthday and I didn’t gain even .2 of a pound!  And today when I got on the scale, I’m down 2 pounds for a total of 37 lost!  I’m so excited!  I have been taking it slow… still eating mostly whole foods (which I’m beginning to love and crave).  I did have a pice of key lime pie on my birthday!  But I had saved up for that… lol!  I’m now only 12 pounds from my mini-goal of 250.  It’s been more than 10 years since I was less than 250lbs. 

This is just a short note to you all… Hugs to all my buddies - especially Jennifer, Shanna, Haley and my new buddy Rae!!

I love you gals!

Tigger doesn’t like her Halloween costume.  I bought her a pair of doggie devil horns.  Can’t even keep them on her long enough for a picture.  She’s figured out how to get them off uber-quick!!  Corey is hiding under the bed, out of my reach and out of the broom’s reach… he sees the grief I’m putting Tigger though, so he took off, never to be seen again.  LOL!

So, Happy Halloween to everyone!  I’m not MIA… work is insanely busy.  I’m going to work, working there for 8 hours then coming home and working 3-4 more hours every day.  By the time I get off the computer from doing work stuff, I really don’t wanna look at the little silver box any more.  This is a busy time at work - through the end of January, so my blogs will be few for now.  But know that I’m hanging in there.  I’ve stuck to my plan and am currently maintaining.  Not losing because I’m expecting Aunt Flo to visit in a week or so, so my bod is retaining water like crazy.  I know once that’s over with, I will show a loss.

 Mom and Grandma are here from E. TX - they’ve been here since the wedding a week and a half ago.  I’m enjoying having them around.  And get this… are you ready?  I mean, you should probably sit down….

I’ve actually been cooking for them in the evenings!  They’re on MY eating plan and are loving it.  I’m actually enjoying the cooking.  I can’t believe I said that outloud.  I think what my problem is that I don’t like to cook for myself.  Because just in the last week, I’ve cooked every night and served it up.  My mom says I’m spoiling her.   She deserves to be spoiled though because she’s the 24/7 care-giver to her 86 year old mother.  And if any of you can relate, you know how hard that job is.  It’s like having a baby in the house again.  Role reversal.  Grandma can still get around and she goes to the potty by herself, but she can’t cook, can’t bathe or really do much of anything but sit in her chair all day.  Mama takes her outside in the backyard almost every day so she can have a change of scenery.  Especially since the weather here in TX has been amazing the past 10 days or so.

Anyway - I wanted to let you all know that I’m still alive and kickin!  Rockin’ & rollin’.  And all that jazz.

I hope everyone’s having a great week!

I weighed this morning and I’m down 2 pounds!  WOO-HOO!

 Looks like you ladies were right!  Increase my calories and BOOM - there it is.  I’m SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!  I’m not longer stuck like Chuck!  (I hope he’s ok).  So anyway, I have a wedding to go to today!  My cousin, Jacob, is getting married to a really great girl.  It’s a beautiful day here in TX - nice and cool and very low humidity.  Perfect day for a wedding!

I’ve increased my caloric intake while managing to eat mostly whole foods this past week.  I am ENERGIZED and just bouncing around here with joy and love and peace.  I’m really feeling great!

Not much time to write a long blog - I have a few things to do before the wedding this afternoon… like go buy silver tissue paper for my gift.  Mom and Grandma are on their way in to Houston, as I type this.  Love the mom and the grandma!  :)  Have a great weekend buddies!  Stay strong and happy!

A co-worker of mine and I were talking about things that could help with weight loss.  Yesterday morning, as we were walking back from the cafeteria… me with my egg whites & low fat cheese and fat free yogurt, she with her oatmeal and bacon… I said I wish I could find the miracle cure to achieving success with weight loss.  A stupid notion popped into my head right at the point and I said “laser tastebud removal”.  She laughed so hard she almost spit out her coffee.  She told me I was a dork.  But hey, wouldn’t it be cool if we could control our tastebuds?  I’m thinking, like those pop-up sprinklers that come up out of the ground when it’s time to water, then go back down.  We should have a tastebud switch.  But, alas, I don’t think removing or controlling our tastebuds would remove the insane cravings we have, do you?

I’m thinking of starting a whole foods eating regimen.  My problem is not liking/wanting to cook.  I wish I could find some good, whole food, frozen dinners.  I guess I could make my own?  I’ll let y’all know how it goes.  I’m still researching and trying to figure out how it’ll work for me.

Happy Saturday!

 **DISCLAIMER** This blog was meant to be stupid and dorky and was just a general rambling of thoughts.  In no way would I advocate tastebud removal.  I was not serious.  <shaking head>

You know the famous motto… BE PREPARED.  I’m finding out that I’m *much* more successful with staying on track when I’m prepared.  Things like, making sure I always have healthy stuff to eat, making sure my pups pick up all their toys that litter my exercise area (in front of the t.v.), logging my food and exercise, etc. 

When I stay one step ahead of my “diet”, I do better.  I don’t cheat.  What I’ve been doing is getting tomorrow’s meals ready in the evenings.  Tonight, after I did my 2 miles with Leslie, I fixed the coffee pot, washed my to-go cup, unpacked my lunch bag, washed all the dishes, put my ice pack thingie in the freezer to re-freeze, picked out which lean cuisine I’m gonna have, poured the milk for my cereal in it’s container (I take it to work), got my yogurt and my apples in the fridge next to my milk, got the lunch bag opened up and set out on the kitchen counter and got my vitamins all together and put in the lunch bag.  So, see?  I’m all ready for tomorrow.  It makes me feel better and makes me less stressed in the mornings when I’m usually rushing to get out the door.  Do I earn a badge?

So, been emailing one of my buddies about my food journal and I’m hoping she’ll have some suggestions for me.  I seem to eat more than 50% carbs every day.  Today, after I logged all my food, carbs came out to 61%!!!!!!!!!  Definitely need to reduce those.  I tried Atkins once for 8 months.  Only lost 19lbs, so the anti-carb movement didn’t work for me.  But I DO see that I need more protein.  I’m gonna work on that.

Tigger and Corey still haven’t picked up their toys for tonight, so I guess I’ll go do that.  Need to figure out how to get them to clean up and put everything back in their toy box.  They had a really funny running fit around the back yard a few mins ago.  Tigger looks like a little gazelle when she runs and leaps… cracks me up!  She’s the epitome of grace!  Corey will chase her for a couple of laps, but his excitement gets the better of him and he just has to go DIG.  So mama (that’s me) has to yell “Corey!!!!!  No!  BAD!”  He doesn’t like “BAD”.  He hangs his wee little head and gives me that “surely you don’t mean it, Mama?  I mean, I was just scratching the dirt here a little.  See?  It’s only 18 inches deep.”  So when he gives me that look, I have to hug him and tell him that even though he’s so adorable, he should really stop digging in the yard.  Makes it hard to mow.  

Y’all have a great evening and a WONDERFUL Wednesday!!!  XOxoxoxoxoxoxoxo………..

I’m not really in the mood to write today, but I’m gonna do a short one real quick so you all don’t think I’ve gone MIA again.  Today was a fantastic day as far as eating and exercising.   I’ll attach my food journal in case anyone’s interested.   I did Leslie Sansone’s 2 mile video, then ate dinner… so now I’m ready to hit the shower and then get in my recliner and read, read, read. 

Oh - and I didn’t mention this in my last blog, but I’ve lost count on how many nights it’s been since I’ve maintained beast avoidance.  I’m thinking I’m forming a new habit, y’all!  Woo-hoo!!!  No night-time eating for me in a while!!!! 

Food Log

SURPRISE!  It’s been so long buddies!  I’ve gotta get my writing fingers back, thus the “warm” up above.  Let me just get this out of the way…. BOY DID I MISS YOU GIRLS (AND GUYS)!!!  {{{{{{{{{{{{Buddies}}}}}}}}}}}}}  I want to thank everyone for their booster notes and emails while I was on vacation last week.  This is the first time I’ve been able to sit down in front of the computer and actually get to breathe!  I’ve been going 200mph every day so far!  Bringing work home and working 3-4 hours from home after being at the office for 8 hours.  We’re coming into our busiest time of year at work, so this week is only the beginning of much stress and little sleep!

Ok, so vacation was relaxing and joyous!  I just LOVE the country.  It’s so clean and fresh and pure!  A whole week with the pine trees and the hummingbirds really did my heart and soul good.  I think I was a pine tree in a former life!  (no, really!).  I even lost 1 pound last week!  Woo-hoo!  My mom had a “daughter-do-list” waiting on me.  We mowed, weed-eated, cleared fence lines, cleared road lines, picked up rocks to fill some low spots on her road, sat on the porch and watched the hummers battle it out for the feeder, trimmed trees, got ant bit, got poison ivy, picked up all the grass-a-los and moved them to greener pastures, went out to eat, made low fat stuffed bell peppers, went to church.  And this is just SOME of the things we did.  Yes, I did get to sleep.  And it was a VERY peaceful, stress and anxiety free sleep.  So unlike the sleep I get when I have to work.  I think every other week should be a vacation.  Don’t y’all?

So that was vacation.  This week has been a completely different story.  I’m eating bad, not exercising and my obsession with the scale seems to have disappeared.  I’m scared to get on it.  But I have to get over that.  Face the problem.  One of the worst things you can do is procrastinate.  So, tomorrow morning, I will weigh.  I know I’m going to see a gain.  But you know what?  SO FREAKIN’ WHAT!!!  Tomorrow will be a new day.  In the past, I would’ve said, “oh, I’ll just start again on Monday.”  And, oddly, that Monday never came.  I know we’ve all been there.  But this time, chickie, it just ain’t gonna happen.  (this is me talking to myself).  I feel the resolve coming back on!

Earlier in the week I was listening to a podcast and one of the speakers was talking about running with the bulls and how his son was an exchange student in Spain and was considering participating in the annual event.  When he let his dad know, his dad decided he had to go to Spain to protect his son.  Turned out,  his son ended up helping him not get gored!  Anyway, I do have a point.  I had the oddest dream last night.  Instead of running with the bulls, I was running with pizza slices and they were EVERYWHERE trying to gore me!  They even had evil grins and eyebrows!  OMG, so ya THINK our subconcious isn’t always on?  I ran and ran and ran and couldn’t get away from all the pizza!  Finally, I just jumped over to the side of our “path” and stopped.  All the pizza slices just kept running and finally disappeared down the road.  My point is, I just need to stop with the bad things I’m doing this week.  Make a conscious decision to jump out of that fat, greasy, evil race and let it go on by.  Gonna do that tomorrow.

Well, that’s about all I have for now, my dear ones.  I hope everyone is having a great week so far and I’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s blogs to get caught up. 

ROCK ON SISTERS!!! (and brothers!)