Lena’s Journey

I was just sitting outside in the backyard with the dogs.  We were all watching two squirrels play in my neighbor’s huge oak tree.  They were running up and down the big branches, around and around, switching their tails, up and down, over to another branch, chattering at each other.  Corey and Tigger (my dogs) were quivering with excitement, preparing for the chase, should one present itself.  Tigger has her “squirrel pose”, which my mom calls “getting down low”… like this:

Of course, I just tried getting a picture of Tigger doing her pose, but she wasn’t cooperating (and neither were the squirrels who were out there a minute ago.)  Oh well.  Anyway, as we were watching the squirrels play, I was thinking to myself “I need some of that energy.”  Oh, to bottle it up and sell it - I’d be a millionaire (well, I could at least give Red Bull a run for their money).  :) 

The Native Americans believe(d) in animal totems.  Got me to thinking, so I figured I’d see if I could find anything out about what the squirrel in your life means, just for fun.  I was shocked at the number of websites available on animal totems.  Here’s some info I found on Mr. Squirrel…

“When you observe the squirrel in nature, they are always busy.  They seem to have an endless supply of energy.  Seldom do you see a squirrel inactive.  Focused on the task at hand, agile and quick, they are constantly preparing for the future by gathering nuts and seeds for later use.  Although they are always prepared for what may come they have a tendency to forget where they store things.  The forgetfulness of a squirrel serves a reminder to those with this medicine to slow down, pay attention and stop running frantically in several directions at once.”  (courtesy of www.sayahda.com)

So, after reading about the squirrel… especially the last sentence about slowing down and paying attention and all that, I was reminded of one of my favorite Psalms… “Be still, and know that I am God”.  (Psalms 46:10)  This is so true.  And I’m thinking God was working in my little beany head today - to get me to thinking about this particular verse.  Sometimes I find it amazing how these things work out.  Be still.  This has struck a chord with me today, as everything I’ve been listening to (radio and iPod) the past two days has a common theme.  To be still. 

I have a problem with letting my mind run and try and try and try to overcome my constant nagging subconscious self telling me to eat.  My subconscious seems it’s always on overdrive - eat eat eat eat eat eat eat.  Then it comes to my conscious self and I have to REALLY fight the urges to obey.  I think God is telling me to just shut up and be still.   Listen.  Be quiet.  Slow down.  Relax.  Chill out.  I have been maintaining my 25lbs loss for 6 weeks now.  Surely I should’ve lost more weight by now.  Of course, I CAN say, I have maintained, which is WAY better than gaining.  I haven’t been exercising as much as I should - which I know will solve the problem. 

So today, after reading my buddy Shan’s post I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO motivated to just do it.  I got up off my fat booty and popped in the Leslie Sansone 2 mile express walk - did the whole thing and now I’m a little less stressed.  Yay for me.

One thing I am still doing, is practicing visualization.  I’m thin, I’m buying cute clothes, I’m crossing my legs like a normal person rather than like a right trangle trying to mash all sides together to form a clean line.  Trying to reprogram my subconscious away from “eat eat eat eat eat eat eat”.  I EVEN changed my password at work to something slimming, so every time I type it in, I’m reminded.  It’s hard.  I’m not having a pity party.  In fact, I feel great today… especially after Shan’s post and then my walking video (Leslie sure can kick some booty!).

Sorry if I’m boring you guys… I’m really just rambling on and on, aren’t I? 

My goal for the rest of the week (thru Sunday and then I’ll set another goal) is to exercise every day.  It always makes me feel so good… and I’m not sure why I can’t get into a steady routine.  But, at least I’m still here.  This is the longest time frame, actually, that I’ve ever “maintained” a certain weight.  I’m proud of that. 

Ok, that’s it for now.  Hugs to all my new buddies… and my old buddies!  Tomorrow’s Friday (YAY!!!).  Another week coming to a close… a new day to start fresh.  This squirrel is gonna be still for a while…

I have been bad.  Very bad.  I haven’t had a good week, even though I’ve stuck to my exercise and my eating.  Until today.  I had pizza for lunch.  I had 3 pieces.  Cheese Lovers with beef and diced tomatoes.  So I’m confessing to everyone, rather than hiding it.  I have already called my neighbor and taken the rest of the medium pizza to her house.  It is no longer attacking my nose and salivary glands, nor my mind.  So, I will just take this in stride.  It’s a stumbling block.  I’ll get on the horse again right now.  I’m still doing the visualization exercises - they seem to be helping take my mind off constant eating.  I’m going to work out… because I’m kinda disgusted with myself right now. 

I’ve been thinking.  And researching a bit on visualization.  There are a lot of things on the web regarding visualization and how it can help a person overcome whatever obstacle is standing their way.  Well, for me, as you know, it’s my weight.  I’m going to try this visualization thing, but first I have to figure out a way to picture myself being slim.  How would I go about that… since I’ve never been slim in my entire adult life?  I mean, I don’t even *know* what my own body would look like without this huge belly and big arms and double chin.  So, what I think I’m going to do is just picture *a* body that’s slim and toned and healthy and then attach my face to it.  Of course, it will be hard to imagine my slim face too.  In my mind, my slim, toned, healthy body would have this cut out head pasted on top with the cheeks sucked in and a hand pulling back the chin.  LOL!!!!!!!!!  And this particular image just cracks me up, so I might not be able to concentrate.  But alas, I’m going to try.  I found a good web page that explains how to do visualization (http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/4-24-2005-68996.asp), so here I go.  I’ve already done my first session today and it was rather amusing, but I did it.  Some of the images that came to mind were:

1.  Me shaving my legs with no belly in the way.

2.  Me sitting down crossing my legs where my leg that’s over the other just hangs there rather than sticking out.

3.  Me standing outside and looking up in the sky, seeing myself floating up in the air and the higher I get, the slimmer I am.

4.  Me at the beach, laying down a towel, taking my shorts and top off to reveal a pretty purple bikini on a beautiful, slim body.

5.  Still at the beach and for the first time, guys take a second and third look.  In my mind, one guy was staring so hard that he tripped and fell down!  ROFL!

6.  My family, friends and co-workers exclaiming “Oh My God!  You look fabulous darling!!!”

7.  Seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time and them not recognizing me.

8.  Me not having to put deodorant or powder in places they’re not meant to be applied.

9.  Me having the energy to do things I love - like remodel houses, having a garden, volunteering at an animal shelter.

10.  Me being able to stay outside all day in the sun without getting a headache.

11.  Me on lots of rollercoasters where the ride operators don’t tell me I can’t ride.

12.  Me not being a tall mountain in the bed - I wanna be a relatively flat plateau under the covers.

13.  Me shopping for clothes in the regular sizes and regular stores instead of from catalogues or the fat people stores.

14.  Me being treated with respect and admiration by people.

So that was pretty much it for my first session.  According to all the websites I’ve been reading, one or two sessions (20 mins) per day are enough to reprogram my subconscious where all the bad programs and habits are stored.  Oh, one more thing I visualized today was not going to the kitchen late at night for a snack - even if it is a healthy snack.  This is a very bad habit I have and I’m really struggling with breaking it.  So I visualized myself just going to bed, reading for a while and not getting up.  This one habit has been the hardest for me to break.  Even though I’m not hungry, inevitably I make my way to the kitchen for a snack sometime after I go to bed.  There’s this DRIVE in my head to run to the kitchen every single night, after I go to bed.  I’m having such a hard time with it - please pray for me! 

This website says that determination and motivation aren’t enough for long-term weight loss.  You have to reprogram your mind.  I tend to agree here.  So, Lena’s mind.  Off to the geek squad repair desk you go! 

I’m going to clean out my closet now.  It’ll be like going shopping! 

All of us on the TX Gulf Coast are making our hurricane preparations in case Dean comes our way.  No one is in panic mode yet, but after Hurricane Rita in 2005, we’re not taking any chances.  I was part of that evacuation I’m sure you all saw on t.v. - it took my mom, dogs and I 22 hours to go 120 miles - and we still ended up right smack in the middle of the storm.  My grandma’s house was completely destroyed - we are still rebuilding it. 

Anyway - I hope everyone’s having a great weekend!  Stay strong, stay motivated and I wish you all many blessings this coming week!