Lena’s Journey

Stuck is a funny word.  I’m sitting here trying to figure out what I want to say and I’m just staring at that big “Stuck” up there in the title.  It even looks funny to me.  <eye roll>  What a dork.

So my point is, I’m stuck.  I’m not losing.  I even went up two pounds over the weekend, but this morning, they were gone.  Jennifer thinks I’m not eating enough calories and my metabolism could be freaking out in starvation mode.  So I’m upping my calories by about 400 per day - which to me, is a whole other meal.  But what I’m going to do is fill that up with healthy proteins and fats - like fish and nuts and low fat cheese.  (Which, btw Jen, I’m with you on that - low fat cheese sucks).  I do LOVE the laughing cow low fat swiss… only 35 calories per triangle. 

I’m not feeling bad though because this is a journey.  It’s a lifelong commitment.  It’s a way of life and all that other blah blah blah that we need to accept.  My mom (whom I adore) says maybe I’m still eating TOO much.  I told her that I’m averaging between 900-1100 calories per day - it would be SO hard to go for LESS than that, ya know?  But mom weighs a happy 150.

Gonna try the adding more calories and continuing to exercise and see how that goes. 

I hope everyone’s having a great week!

You know the famous motto… BE PREPARED.  I’m finding out that I’m *much* more successful with staying on track when I’m prepared.  Things like, making sure I always have healthy stuff to eat, making sure my pups pick up all their toys that litter my exercise area (in front of the t.v.), logging my food and exercise, etc. 

When I stay one step ahead of my “diet”, I do better.  I don’t cheat.  What I’ve been doing is getting tomorrow’s meals ready in the evenings.  Tonight, after I did my 2 miles with Leslie, I fixed the coffee pot, washed my to-go cup, unpacked my lunch bag, washed all the dishes, put my ice pack thingie in the freezer to re-freeze, picked out which lean cuisine I’m gonna have, poured the milk for my cereal in it’s container (I take it to work), got my yogurt and my apples in the fridge next to my milk, got the lunch bag opened up and set out on the kitchen counter and got my vitamins all together and put in the lunch bag.  So, see?  I’m all ready for tomorrow.  It makes me feel better and makes me less stressed in the mornings when I’m usually rushing to get out the door.  Do I earn a badge?

So, been emailing one of my buddies about my food journal and I’m hoping she’ll have some suggestions for me.  I seem to eat more than 50% carbs every day.  Today, after I logged all my food, carbs came out to 61%!!!!!!!!!  Definitely need to reduce those.  I tried Atkins once for 8 months.  Only lost 19lbs, so the anti-carb movement didn’t work for me.  But I DO see that I need more protein.  I’m gonna work on that.

Tigger and Corey still haven’t picked up their toys for tonight, so I guess I’ll go do that.  Need to figure out how to get them to clean up and put everything back in their toy box.  They had a really funny running fit around the back yard a few mins ago.  Tigger looks like a little gazelle when she runs and leaps… cracks me up!  She’s the epitome of grace!  Corey will chase her for a couple of laps, but his excitement gets the better of him and he just has to go DIG.  So mama (that’s me) has to yell “Corey!!!!!  No!  BAD!”  He doesn’t like “BAD”.  He hangs his wee little head and gives me that “surely you don’t mean it, Mama?  I mean, I was just scratching the dirt here a little.  See?  It’s only 18 inches deep.”  So when he gives me that look, I have to hug him and tell him that even though he’s so adorable, he should really stop digging in the yard.  Makes it hard to mow.  

Y’all have a great evening and a WONDERFUL Wednesday!!!  XOxoxoxoxoxoxoxo………..

I have been bad.  Very bad.  I haven’t had a good week, even though I’ve stuck to my exercise and my eating.  Until today.  I had pizza for lunch.  I had 3 pieces.  Cheese Lovers with beef and diced tomatoes.  So I’m confessing to everyone, rather than hiding it.  I have already called my neighbor and taken the rest of the medium pizza to her house.  It is no longer attacking my nose and salivary glands, nor my mind.  So, I will just take this in stride.  It’s a stumbling block.  I’ll get on the horse again right now.  I’m still doing the visualization exercises - they seem to be helping take my mind off constant eating.  I’m going to work out… because I’m kinda disgusted with myself right now. 

The results are in!  The breakfast burrito I mentioned in my previous post is delish!!!  Here’s the recipe:

Butter-flavored cooking spray (I used Crisco 99% fat free)

1 tablespoon of frozen pico de gallo (if you can’t find this in your freezer section already made, you can use white onion, diced tomatoes & green chiles)

1 tablespoon of 2% monterey & colby jack cheese.

1/3 cup egg beaters

1 dash pepper

1 dash liquid hot pepper sauce (optional for those of you who don’t like it too spicey)

1 10-inch 98% fat free flour tortilla, warmed (I used a smaller whole-wheat, garlic & herb, low-fat/low-carb tortilla)

Directions: 1.  Lighly coat a nonstick skillet with cooking spray.  2.  Cook the pico mix in the skillet over medium heat for about 3 minutes, stirring constantly.  3.  In a small bowl, whisk together egg substitute, cheese, pepper and hot pepper sauce (if using).  4.  Pour egg mixture into skillet and scramble for 3 to 4 minutes or until the consistency is how you like it.  5.  Place the egg mixture along one-third of the tortilla, about 2 inches away from the bottom.  6.  Fold up the lower edg and then roll from the side to form a burrito.  7.  Eat immediately or wrap in a napkin or aluminum foil to eat later (while waiting for school bus or driving to work).

Nutritional info:

1 garlic & herb low-fat/low-carb tortilla: 50 cal, 2 gm fat, 180 mg sodium, 11gm carb, 8 gm fiber, 5 gm protein.

1 TBLSP frozen pico de gallo mix: 5 cal, 0 gm fat, 0 gm sodium, 0 gm carb, 0 gm fiber.

1 TBLSP 2% monterrey jack/colby jack cheese: 40 cal, 2.5 gm fat, 230 sodium, <1 gm carb, 3.5 gm protein.

1/3 cup egg beaters: 40 cal, 0 gm fat, 70 mg sodium, 1 gm carb, 7 gm protein

Total calories: 135.  Total fat: 4.5gm.  Total carb: 12gm.  Total protein: 15.5gm.  Total sodium: 480mg.  Total fiber: 8gm

With the small tortillas I used, I had enough egg to make 2 burritos, which added 50 calories to my breakfast.  I think 185 calories is really good for breakfast and it certainly filled me up!

In the famous words of Nike, “Just Do It” has been my motto this past week.  Regardless of how I’m feeling.  I had PMS again this past week, yet I managed to get on the treadmill every single day.  To me, that’s an accomplishment.  A slow transformation is taking place in my mind and soul.  It’s very slow… but I’m finding that slow and steady wins the race.  I didn’t walk yesterday, but as soon as I finish this blog, I will be hitting the trusty treadmill this morning.  It’s Sunday.  It’s a new day!  It’s beautiful!  Friends, buddies, countrymen, I can’t tell you all how much better I feel after just a week of steady exercise.  My buddy-twin Linda says in two weeks, I’ll feel amazing.  I can’t wait! 

Getting up at 4:00am really hasn’t been bad, and I found as I went through this past week, each day got a little easier to get up that early.  By the time I get to work, I feel pumped and ready to conquer the job.  My attitude and feelings have been better at work (not that they were bad before - I’m just feeling an overall sense of peace).  Even though I had some rough roads at work this past week - even cussed around my boss - which is something I’ve never done in my life before.  (I apologized to her later and she said “Girl please! I’m just as frustrated as you are, but we’ll work it out.  I support you, remember?”).  I have the best boss in the world - she tells me almost daily that she wishes she had 15 Lena’s.  <strut> 

So back to getting up at 4:00am and exercising.  I’ve been tossing around in my mind this past week why is it that exercise can help/change so many things about us?  Our outlook, our feelings, our depression, our bodies… and since it does all that, why don’t more people do it?  What baffles me even more is why have I let myself lapse these past years and try to survive without it?  The first answer that popped into my head was laziness.  But then, I’m far from a lazy person - I’m always doing something.  Then I thought about other reasons - like people don’t want to exercise alone, gym memberships aren’t affordable, exercise equipment isn’t affordable.  The list of potential reasons could go on and on.  But what it boils down to is a very very very basic fact.  Exercise isn’t a priority.  For me or most other people.  So…… after thinking that through, I’m making exercise a priority for me.  Just like I have to brush my teeth every day, go to work every day, take a shower every day, feed my dogs every day… I simply MUST exercise every day.  I realize that this won’t be possible every single day for the rest of my life because of whatever circumstances… but I think as long as I keep it as a daily priority, I will hit every day 99% of the time.  My goal is to get in a good workout M-F, rest on Saturday and then depending on what’s planned for Sunday, another good workout.  I believe we do have to allow ourselves a day or two of rest just so our bodies can catch up.

I’ve always been one who wants weight loss to be an immediate and fast process.  Like lose 10lbs every day.  I know that’s impossible, but in the past I’ve set my goals at the “way too lofty” level.  Back when I first joined Buddy Slim, my buddy Tina pegged me to a tee.  She said my mentality was one of “all or nothing”.  She’d been there too.  And she was totally right!  Because I wasn’t meeting my own silly, perfect, anal expectations, I would give up.  This is something that has been REALLY hard for me to accept about myself.  Not only has it opened my eyes with weight loss, but it’s also shown me that this is probably why past personal relationships have failed.  I can remember myself telling past boyfriends “It’s black or white.  There IS no gray!!!”  Boy was I wrong.  With anything in life, there is gray.  And within that, there are varying degrees of gray.  So, friends, I am doing my best to get out of the “all or nothing” thinking.   It’s amazing to me how our friends can hit on something that has been a major issue all our lives, but we never thought of it before.  (Love you Tina!)

So…………….. again I say, slow and steady wins the race.  I have this printed out and hung in my office at work as well as a few places around the house.  It’s also, slowly, changing the way I see life in general. 

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post… Linda, Nikki, Tina,  Wonder Woman (I agree with what you said about the super obese).  You guys are simply amazing to me.  As I sit here and think of everything you all have done for me, talked to me about, emailed me, supported me and accepted me, tears come to my eyes.  I wouldn’t trade you guys for anything.

 Off to the treadmill I go!

p.s. I’m down 2 more lbs!!!!  <happy happy joy joy!!>

Nothing much to report today.  I feel blah.  It’s Wednesday, hump day and I’m being Eyeore - looking for my tail around the tree.  Just a gloomy gloomy day.  Scales stayed the same this morning, but I’m not worried.  I did really well with my eating today.  No exercise though.  I’m having a big ole glass of ice water at the moment.  I’ve heard that you burn more calories by drinking ice water rather than room temp water because your body has to warm the ice water to body temp and that burns calories.  I wonder if it’s true.  LOL! 

I’m glad this week is almost over.  It’s been a stressful one at work.  However, on Friday my whole team is going bowling!  I’m so excited!  I can’t bowl worth crap, but I still like to try.  And it’ll be much fun hanging out with my co-workers. 

I’m so sleepy right now!  I didn’t sleep well last night, so that’s probably why I feel gloomy today.  I’ll get over it.  Sorry I’m not very interesting this evening, but I wanted to let you all know that you’re in my thoughts frequently and I’m sending all my buddies good skinny karma!

The cupcakes turned out good.  Not gonna say great because they were a little dry.  I’m not sure what I could do to make them more moist without adding tons of fat and calories.  The icing!  YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!  Very very tasty but WAY too much for the cupcakes.  Oh, also - when I first took the cupcakes out of the oven they were all big and light and fluffy.  Well, when they cooled, they shrank!  But they were still good.

I’m going to be out of town until Monday - going to the quincinerra!  I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend!  Stay strong my friends!