Lena’s Journey

This morning it’s about 45 degrees here in Southeast Texas.  The sun is shining, the windchimes are tinkling, a slight breeze caresses the few leaves remaining on the trees… and the squirrels are AT PLAY.  Corey and Tigger have been anxiously awaiting one of the little furry tail creatures to step into their yard so they can then chase them out.  There’s this one little guy who seems a bit braver than all the others.  He will get on top of the wooden fence and yell and chatter and shake his tail at Tigger.  She’s in her “get-the-squirrel” position.  She’s also shivering because it’s a bit nippy out there.  So imagine this little dog who’s crouched down really low, head pointed toward Mr. Squirrel, but her whole body is shivering.  Now, to be fair to her and possibly not embarrass her, I could tell you that she’s not “shivering”, but rather she’s just so anxious and tense that she’s “quivering” with excitement and it’s taking all her doggy power to remain in that one spot.  After a few seconds, she can’t stand it any more and she charges the fence and barks.  Mr. Squirrel, King of the Fence, just looks down at her like “you idiot mutt, I know you can’t jump this high.  Save your breath!”  Alas, the joy I get from watching this daily routine is wonderful.  (either that, or I’m a REALLY boring person who gets her jollies by watching my dog and a squirrel do their dance.)  I’ll go with the prospect that I’m deep enough to be able to find pleasure in something so simple.  (That sounds good, eh?).

I’m in a really good place, my buddies.  This is the longest I’ve ever been on a “diet” (but we’re not calling it that) and I’m still going strong.  At least in my thinking and my desire to keep going.  I’ve had triumphs and failures.  But the key thing, this time, is that with all your help (especially Jennifer, Shanna & Tina), I’m reprogramming my all or none thinking.  If I mess up for a day or two, no big deal!  This has become ingrained in my beany head and it’s finally starting to take over to the point where I actually believe it.  I have a better understanding of how my body works.  What foods work, what portions, what calorie intake… and all that jazz.  It’s been trial and error - it still is and always will be.  But I’m establishing an excellent foundation for the rest of my life. 

This time, God is the center of my journey.  He’s like a beacon.  I’m like a homing pigeon, always returning to Him when I struggle.  I used to never get down on my knees to pray.  I’ve realized, I have to be humble before Him and totally submit this journey to him.  And it’s made all the difference in the world.  He knows I’m not perfect.  *I* know I’m not perfect.  So we’re in a very good, peaceful and happy place together.

This morning, as I was reading my daily devotional, I was struck by how God works.  Today’s devotional was talking about Eve:  “Eve was typical of us all, and we consistenly show we are her descendants by repeating her mistakes.  Our desires, like Eve’s can quite easily be manipulated.  They are not the best basis for actions.  We need to keep God in our decision-making process always.  His Word, the Bible, is our guidebook in decision making.”  This really stood out to me and how it applies to my decisions on eating/bingeing, etc.  When I feel weak, I seek Him and he helps.  All I have to do is ask.

One of the things I like about this site is that we are free to express ourselves completely and without fear of judgement.  We are all on different “plans”… but what’s neat is that we all support each other, however we’re trying to lose weight.   I really appreciate and love all my buddies.  Thanks for listening to my morning ramblings! 

No, I’m not dead buddies!  I’m on the down-swing of all the overtime at work and finally, the holidays are over.  My holidays sucked, big time… but that’s a whole other story in itself. 

I’m staying on plan - gained one pound over Christmas, but it’s since gone it’s merry (un-merry?) way.  I’m not exercising, but hope to start back really soon!  I found out that I’ll be working from home starting sometime in February.  That is going to REALLY allow me time to exercise.  It’ll add 2 hours to my day (eliminating drive time) and I’ll be getting around a $350 a month raise (no more gas every 4 days and tolls!).  So, I’m pretty excited.

 I’m still doing the whole foods and you wouldn’t believe the difference it’s made in my life.  It’s helped my depression, my attitude, my feelings, my energy level.  Amazing.  Someone should bottle this!  :)  (not really!)  Today, I’m having rosemary baked chicken, a salad and brown rice (unpolished) for lunch/dinner.  I’ve found that I’m rarely hungry, now that I’ve been doing mainly whole foods for 2-3 months.  The weight is coming off slowly, but surely.  And I know without a doubt that once I get my lazy butt up to exercise, it’ll come off faster.  But I’m ok with slow… because this time is WAY different than all the other times I’ve tried to diet.  It’s actually sticking with me… and my mind is such that changes are being made and new habits formed.  Do y’all remember when I was battling the big white beast in the kitchen several months ago…?  That is no longer an issue for me.  My night time eating has completely stopped and I’m so proud!

 I hope everyone is doing GREAT!  Love y’all!