Lena’s Journey

Never before have I received so much cheering and support.  I LOVE you guys!  Guess what?!?!  I reached my goal of 2 more pounds by today!  So that’s 10lbs total now!!!  I’m SO very excited.  I got on the scale this morning and there it was.  I even got off and stepped back on 2 more times just to make sure the 1st time wasn’t a fluke and it wasn’t!  Yay me! <happy happy joy joy happy!!!> 

So here we are at the weekend again!  I’m going to try to keep busy again but last weekend was still a struggle for me.  A lot of my buddies have said that the “willpower” will become stronger over time.  I hope that’s true.  I’ve been reading about food addiction on the web… did y’all know there are actually organizations out there for it?  One I found - Overeaters Anonymous - same principles as Alcoholics Anonymous.  I also read that physicians are more aware now more than ever that this is a problem for a lot of people.  During my reading, I discovered there are a lot of different symptoms that could be qualified as a true food addiction.  I was shocked at some of them… the complete extremes are baffling to me.   People who are absolutely driven to eat constantly until they puke, people who binge and purge (I’ve never done this), people who DON’T eat at all (this one confused me) and people who’s thoughts are constantly *centered* around food.  The last one is me.  I’m wondering what’ll be for lunch while I’m eating breakfast.   My hardest time is at night… I have a really hard time going to sleep - it takes me sometimes up to 2 hours just to fall asleep.  I read.  I watch t.v.  I eat.  And eat.  And eat.  And then when the carbs set in, I get sleepy.  Yes, I’ve tried Ambien CR (works well), melatonin, chamomille tea… pretty much everything.  I’ve weaned myself from the Ambien because I don’t want to become addicted to it.  I don’t have sleep apnea, despite my obesity.  I just can’t get my mind to stop and chill out when it’s time to go to bed. 

Anyway - back to the food addiction stuff.  There is a lot of info available on it - lots of help sites, doctors wanting your money, groups wanting you to join up.  I don’t wanna do anything like that - so that’s why I love all my buddies.  You guys are my rock. 

I’m still so happy with my 10lb loss… just don’t know what to do with myself.  My first thought, which was highly inappropriate, was “I can have kolaches for breakfast!!!”.  LOL!  Do any of you do that too?  You reach a goal and reward yourself with food?  I have always done that.  I need a different rewards and recognition system!   :lol: 

Not much planned for the weekend - yard work (which is typical in TX in the summer).  My cousin is coming over tonight to see why my mower is sick.   :???:   I hope it’s something he can fix.  Otherwise I might be buying a new one.  I’m gonna give the dogs a bath (shhhhhh!  don’t say it outloud - they go hide when I say “bath”).  I used to give my corgi male a bath first and then it would take an hour to catch my basenji female.  Now I give her the first bath!  Gotta be smarter than the dog. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend!  Stay strong, remember you have support here, and SMILE!!!!    :wink: 

Hi all… just a quick check in.  Getting used to the blog thing.  A few of you wanted to know about the weekend of keeping busy and whether or not it worked.  Well, it worked for a little while, but not really effectively.  I craved and craved and craved food.  But, I had a resolve of steel.  I managed to lose 1/2 lb.  I wonder if I should try hypnosis…?   I did the phen-phen craze back in the 90s and lost 78 lbs on it.  The reason… it completely removed my desire to eat.  I didn’t even think about food.  It was wonderful.  (Yes, I’ve been tested several times and have no heart problems as a result of taking the meds and would’ve continued to use it if the FDA hadn’t removed it from the market).  I wish I could find that same mindset - not thinking about food. 

A recent buddy request prompts me to write about my food addiction.  I haven’t found anything that works to break the habit… because eating is really just a habit rather than a hunger that drives me to the cookie jar (among other things).  Something I was going to try this weekend is to stay busy.  There’s a lot of stuff around the house I can/could do, so I think I’ll focus on that.  It’s really easy for me to be good at work during the week because I’m constantly busy all day long and during those 8 hours, I RARELY think of food unless someone reminds me it’s lunch time.  LOL!  Why can’t every day be like that?  When I’m alone in the evenings and on the weekends it’s a real struggle.  Food is always foremost in my mind.  At one time, I thought I had an emotional eating problem.  But then I realized (it was a light bulb moment for me) I want to eat regardless of the emotion… whether I’m happy, sad, mad, angry, depressed… whatever.  Eat eat eat eat.  So, I realized I have an addiction to food.  I have trouble staying motivated on any “diet”.  Which is why this time I’ve decided to not be on any particular “diet”, just try to eat healthier and exercise more and STAY BUSY.  And if I fall off the wagon one day (or two), no big deal… just get back on the next day.  I’m trying to convince myself that there are no set amount of days I have to lose weight.  I just have to take it one day at a time.  In the past, I would set a, say, 10lb goal for the month.  When I wouldn’t reach the goal, I’d give up.  I think setting goals is necessary for some people, but that has never been a motivator for me.  My motivator was always food.  I would tell myself, oh, I lost 5lbs this week so I can have that whole pizza - or 3 cheese enchiladas or whatever I wanted.  I need to change that way of thinking, but I don’t know how.  They say you can break a “habit” in 14-21 days.  I wonder if that’s true for a lifetime of food addiction…? 

rnAnyway… on to more pleasant things.  It’s supposed to rain here in Houston all weekend, so I can keep busy inside the house.  I need to go through some paperwork and set up files and shred a bunch of crap.  I want to have a garage sale soon (my mother is a packrat and has tons of stuff I could sell for her) so I might even work in the garage.  With the heat, it would be a good workout.  LOL!  I would sweat off probably 10lbs! 

rnHave a good Saturday, my friends.  I will be praying for you all. 

I will be so sore tomorrow.  Today was an “activity” day for my department at work (there are about 40 of us).  We took 1/2 day to go bowling.  I haven’t been bowling in 10 years!  I can already feel the soreness seeping into my muscles!  I’ll have to do some stretches after while.  Despite the soreness and the fact that I really suck at bowling, I had a good time.  It was so fun to get together with my associates outside the office to do something that is totally not work related. 

Management provided pizza for lunch and then there was popcorn and drinks at the bowling alley.  I’m so proud of myself!  I only had 2 pieces of pizza and I was actually FULL from it.  I refrained from the popcorn and sodas though… I had water instead. 

My goal is to be at 10lbs loss by next Friday.  That’s 2 lbs to go.  I’m really having fun this time, with all my buddies on here and all the support.  You guys are the greatest!

I will need lots of prayers… the weekends are the hardest for me.  But if I keep busy, I will do ok.  It’s the sitting around and reading and watching t.v. that drives me to snack constantly.  But I’m going to try my best to be strong.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Nothing much to report today.  I feel blah.  It’s Wednesday, hump day and I’m being Eyeore - looking for my tail around the tree.  Just a gloomy gloomy day.  Scales stayed the same this morning, but I’m not worried.  I did really well with my eating today.  No exercise though.  I’m having a big ole glass of ice water at the moment.  I’ve heard that you burn more calories by drinking ice water rather than room temp water because your body has to warm the ice water to body temp and that burns calories.  I wonder if it’s true.  LOL! 

I’m glad this week is almost over.  It’s been a stressful one at work.  However, on Friday my whole team is going bowling!  I’m so excited!  I can’t bowl worth crap, but I still like to try.  And it’ll be much fun hanging out with my co-workers. 

I’m so sleepy right now!  I didn’t sleep well last night, so that’s probably why I feel gloomy today.  I’ll get over it.  Sorry I’m not very interesting this evening, but I wanted to let you all know that you’re in my thoughts frequently and I’m sending all my buddies good skinny karma!

I’m back!  Did you miss me?  What a whirlwind weekend!  All the travelling, the quincinerra, the eating, the RAIN and being surrounded by my family.  Whew!  I’m glad to be home. 

I wanted to write about a charmlng little place in E. Texas (where my mom lives).  There’s nothing like a good southern country cafe… where everything is FRIED.  Fried chicken, hamburger steak with chili & cheese, patty melts, mashed potatoes, fried okra, chicken & dumplings and onion rings the size of a softball.  Excellent southern cooking.  But I want to talk about the atmosphere… the staff turn over rate is very low - they all love each other and get along very well.  They welcome anyone new with open arms… there’s a new girl that started this past Friday and everyone flocks around her like a mother hen!  They’re also very protective of each other.  The owner walks around to each table to say hello and he stops for a short visit at each one.  The pace is slower than most places… but then in E. Texas, no one’s in a hurry.  You all will be proud of me… I ordered a salad with grilled chicken.  Our waitress, Carolyn, asked me if I was on crack.  She said “you don’t come in here for grilled anything!”.  I told her I was trying to be good!  Anyway… there’s nothing like a country cafe to make you feel at home, welcome and special all at the same time.

Tigger (my basenji mix) was happy to get home yesterday.  She loves going to visit her grandma, but is always happy to get back to her own “smells”.  As soon as we come in, she rolls around on the carpet and bites it and rolls and bites and growls and bites and rolls… it’s hilarious.  Then she has to go in the backyard and do “patrol” to make sure everything in HER backyard is as she left it.  She cracks me up.

I did pretty good this weekend even tho the temptations were all around me.  I didn’t lose any weight, but I also didn’t gain any.  So, I’m happy!

I hope everyone’s having a great week so far!  Stay strong!

The cupcakes turned out good.  Not gonna say great because they were a little dry.  I’m not sure what I could do to make them more moist without adding tons of fat and calories.  The icing!  YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!  Very very tasty but WAY too much for the cupcakes.  Oh, also - when I first took the cupcakes out of the oven they were all big and light and fluffy.  Well, when they cooled, they shrank!  But they were still good.

I’m going to be out of town until Monday - going to the quincinerra!  I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend!  Stay strong my friends! 

A buddy of mine on another site blogged about how intuitive dogs are.  She told a story of her sister’s dogs always knowing when her sister was coming home.  I can relate… my two babies always seem to know when I’m coming home if I’ve been away for a while.  My mom dog-sits (or grand-dog sits) for me when I travel.  She never tells them that “mama is coming home”, but somehow they always know the day.  They will sit and stare out the window all day “waiting” to see me drive up.  Mom has to use her mean grandma voice just to get them to leave their posts and go outside.  Then when they see me drive up, they both start howling.  It’s hilarious!  I can actually hear them when I get out of the car.  Then when I get inside it’s like theyve been starving and are finally getting to eat after a year.  They are all over me!  What really touches me about dogs is their unconditional love, devotion and loyalty.  When you yell at them, they love you.  When you’re crying, they love you.  When you’re stressed out, they love you.  And they show it constantly.  Why can’t people be like that?  Dogs do not judge.  Dogs do not see race, color, creed, height, weight, etc.  They see a PERSON that loves them.  It wouldn’t matter if I was blue with green hair and big ears, they would still love me. 

Anyway… I love my dogs.  Can you tell?  And I hate people who abuse them.  I can’t watch “Animal Cops” on Animal Planet.  I get too upset.

So I went to the grocery story yesterday and I was good!  Lidecka - this is your report.  I bought lots of fruits and vegetables and stayed on the “perimeter” of the store mostly.  So tonight I’m having orange roughy (baked), broccoli, cauliflower and carrots.  And of course, WATER. 

I hope everyone had a great day!

I am amazed at the welcome everyone has given me!  Thank you so much!  I feel all inspired!!

I came back online here for a few minutes because I saw the recipe section up there earlier.  I’m on my way to the grocery store and wanted to try something new.  One of my problems is, I hate to cook.  But I’m hoping I can get over that if I try a few new things.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day today!  Pray for me while I go to the store to be strong and not head for the pizza or ice cream!